So you've passed the early stages of the relationship and it's on the cusp of developing into something serious. Perhaps it's time to take a step back and assess your partner to find out if he or she is a deceptive person.
While the first few weeks were more about fun and testing the waters, now is probably the time to dive in. Before you do, make sure look out for these signs so you don't end up going off the deep end with a compulsive liar.
Gaze into their eyes.
A person's eyes are just as expressive as their mouth, so watch when your partner's eyes dart around when he is telling you why he's home later than usual. While an experienced liar is able to hold your gaze to support his point, casual liars may give themselves away by avoiding a scrutinizing face. Scripted excuses followed by rolling or darting eyes are indications of lying. Looking up to the left while someone speaks is also an indication they might be tapping into their creative mind, but that's a scientific observation you'll have to explore on your own.
Listen to their voice.
A person's way of talking can give away a lie. The inflection changes when someone is fibbing, so listen to sounds that are inconsistent with your partner's normal speech. Unusual, elevated pitch at the end of sentences is also an indication of lying.
Watch their body language.
People subconsciously give themselves away through body language that contradicts their intentions. Standing straight in front of someone can mean talking squarely to their face, so if your partner takes a stance that faces away from you, something might be up.
While someone who is honest and straightforward will sit facing you, a liar will likely to sit on their hip to conceal the truth.
Too much detail.
Be attentive to the amount of detail your partner gives out when explaining their excuse. They may compensate for the dishonesty with overly-specific details. If there is too much detail in the story, your partner might be trying to distract you with the extra information.
Watch their language.
Language choice can be a dead giveaway of someone who is lying. Liars tend to avoid using contractions to make their story sound more credible and use negative words in the majority of their reasoning. You can also expect them to use fewer first person pronouns as a way of distancing themselves from the story.
The story isn't straight.
One of the easier ways to catch a liar is to examine their logical process. If their story isn't straight, the details keep changing, or they retell the story and suddenly remember other important details, you can generally tell that they are lying.
Additionally, if they give you vague statements or cannot give specifics, it is likely that they are lying. It also helps to ask unexpected questions to catch them off guard. They've already practiced their story in their head beforehand, so having a trump card is always a good way to catch a liar.
If there is a reason.
What does your partner have to gain by lying to you? They could be trying to save your feelings or keep your affections. If there isn't much of a motive for lying, your partner probably isn't. But if they have something to gain, then he likely is.
In Summary
Remember, though, that not all lies are all that harmful. Your partner may be saving you from sudden grief or disappointment, or he may even be keeping a big surprise. Also, according to lie detection expert Paul Ekman, it's best to take a trusting stance. That way, your life is a lot more pleasant as opposed to constantly looking for lies by scrutinizing your partner too often.
Everyone has been lied to at least once in their life. How were you able to cope with the biggest lie in your relationship? Share your story in the comments below!
